Why Me | Why Now - My Journey

Why Me | Why Now - My Journey

You need healing and knowledge to recognize, heal and recover from life-long abuse and trauma. I possess the education, knowledge, life skills and desire to help you over the long term.
Why me?  Why not someone else?
I offer an unique experience and perspective.  I was raised by a Narcissist mother, abandoned by my father at a young age with no solid father-figure which led to poor choices when it came to relationships.  When it came time to analyze my now-broken-marriage back in 2014, I started from the point where it all began and worked forward.  I had to undo years of survival, pre-programming to reach a stable point where I could learn new information and strategies that would help build a stronger foundation from which to move forward from.  In short, I had to start from the root cause of all my subconscious pain and struggle so I could recreate a new, emotionally healthier me.
I put my foot down, so-to-speak, determined not to make the same mistakes in my next relationship.  I didn't jump into any relationship with another man, which would have undoubtedly created more the same painful memories; mirroring my marriage.  I knew that I needed to focus on healing my heart, body and mind. Fast forward to December 2019, I have held true to those promises to focus on ME and my healing; to my self-discovery.  I held onto the promise to focus on my dreams and wishes as a child without condemning my choices which led to bad decisions.  What is done, is done.  I can only learn from it.  
And learn I did.
I immersed myself into Neuroscience and Psychology.  I returned to school back in 2016 at Tulane University and read every book I could get my hands on.  Interviewed Psychologists and Psychiatrists; even had some personal hands-on experience with regards to my son.  I left no stone uncovered. 
In 2012, 2 years before the end of my marriage, I begin to attend church with a friend and made the decision to be baptized.  I became a born again Christian and made my mind up then to learn all I could about Jesus Christ, God and the Bible and more importantly, how all of this knowledge could help me in my efforts to save my marriage and then how to save my sanity with regards to my son and my own healing journey which has certainly had it's ups and downs.  Healing is a roller coaster and it's a journey.  Like with all great things; I knew I needed to be committed and faithful if I was going to allow God to heal me from the inside out.
My methodology and coaching program is rooted in Christianity and I believe strongly that in order to truly overcome the generational curse and pain of these narcissistic, abusive relationships we need to form a relationship with Christ to give us strength and protection in the days to come.
The following is a breakdown of all that I took in and learned; from direct and indirect experience which led me to where I am today:
2015 - 2017/1995 - Present - My educational background is Psychology, with an emphasis on Abnormal Psychology at Tulane University and my professional background is 25 years of business ownership; website design, advertising and marketing and now I am in the process of completing and receiving my Health and Life Coach certification.
In 2008, my son was born pre-mature at 33 weeks. He spent the first 3.5 weeks of his life in the NICU. Later on at age 18 months, I knew in my heart that something was different about my child. He was very aggressive towards other toddlers and it made play dates that much more challenging. He refused to take naps and the only break I received as a mother was nursing him to sleep.....which never lasted as long as I hoped. He always woke up. At the time, I was in an abusive relationship with a man who is a Narcissist.  As my son grew older, it was more and more apparent that he had serious "anger issues" just like my husband at the time. By age 5, he was a beautiful "hell on wheels." Refused to read, would attack other children, was VERY hyper and I was the only one that could calm him in any situation that we found ourselves in. It was at this age that I made the decision to stop taking him to Birthday parties because it was such a disaster. He barely graduated Kindergarten in a Montessori school.
In 1st grade, he was known for destroying his classroom, flipping over desks, throwing chairs, climbing file cabinets, breaking pencils and throwing materials all over the classroom. He assaulted a teacher, was known for running off campus and was suspended 4x. He couldn't complete a full day of school; so I had to pick him up every day at 12pm. This was in 2014, when my husband and I were separated. This is also the same year where he received 504 accommodations and later an IEP.
Later he was psychologically diagnosed with having ODDDMDD, ADHD and then later CD, PTSD and Anxiety. Raising a special needs child whose disability IS his inability to control his emotions places a new emphasis and light on the root cause of Narcissistic Abusive relationships. This is where I dug in my research to get to the bottom of how my separated husband became how he is and why, now, my young, precious son was behaving in the same manner. This prompted my return to Tulane University.
From age 6 - 10, my son attended 7 schools. He was banned from one parish/county and only one school in another parish/county would accept him. We were on the wait list for a Shadow for 26 months and by the time he was placed with one, he was approved for full-services which he received for 1.5 years. He had a Shadow with him all day in school as well as after school too. We also were approved for wrap-around services and he was assigned a Peer Support and me, a Parent Support. Weekly meetings were held at his school. I became an advocate for other parents with other children like my own and I gave testimony in 2016 in front of the Louisiana House of Representatives in support of a bill that would strip a public or charter school of it's public funding if they were caught pushing special needs children out of their school. The bill passed.
Of hospital visits, my son has over 13 documented trips to the ER when he became a threat to himself and others AND 9 of those are related to child physical abuse between he and his father. Here in New Orleans, the process to document physical abuse (keyword, document) is the following:
  • ER at Children's Hospital
  • Then if concluded that abuse did occur, the hospital calls NOPD, DCFS and the CAC (Children's Advocacy Center)
  • THEN.....a parent should immediately file a TRO (temp restraining order) which is typically approved day of. *I've filed 3.
  • THEN.....that leads to another hellacious court experience (in my experience).
>>> My research proves and validates the existence of genetic disposition between first-born sons; daughters of men and women who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is an area that I feel very strongly about AND it's also an area of much research for me personally with regards to my son and former husband.
Now, my son is 11 years old and has been attending the top private school in the state for the last 2 years. His classroom size is 6 students. He is on the A/B Honor Roll and received an award for Most Improved Student. He was never on medication as I opted for CBT therapy from weekly play therapists, Shadow and Peer Support. In all, he had therapeutic services 6 days a week and I received training as well. I blanketed both of my children in therapy to protect them not only from each other but more importantly from their very emotionally and mentally abusive father........and it worked.

I can coach you and advise you on all the services that your child will need that will help him or her manage and overcome (Yes! Overcome!) similar diagnosis. 

2005 - Present - I have been involved in ministry work for over 10 years; focusing on those who had lost their home; everything post disaster and then later focusing my ministry efforts on supporting single mom survivors of domestic violence. I operated the largest underground grassroots food banks in New Orleans that served 1,000 people, single mom abuse survivors and similar non-profit organizations/churches, per week for 3 years.
2012 - Present - I was baptized "born-again" in a Christian church and have been involved in a Christ-centered 12-step recovery program called, Celebrate Recovery. This programs offers large and small group therapy that is designed for you to let go of your hurts, habits and hangups. I highly recommend you find a program nearest you to get involved in: www.celebraterecovery.com 
Church is a large part of me and my children's life. We attend 2-5 services per week; bible studies, small groups, Celebrate Recovery, church services, Sunday school and special events.
*Prior to becoming a practicing Christian, I didn't believe in "organized religion." I claimed to be "spiritual" and practiced Wiccan. I share this with you to let you know that God loves you no matter what you believe in. You don't find perfect people at church; you find people who are broken and lost looking for healing and then you find those who are healed healing others who are broken. I welcome you to find a large church that offers a myriad of services. Trust me, this will make the healing process so much smoother, loved and rebuild your trust in people. xo
These days, I am strong; resourceful and believe in the power of Christ to guide me daily. Helping and advising you is my greatest pleasure; helping others just as Jesus did is my Life Purpose.
My LinkedIn profile is: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sydneyraydesignandmarketing and you can connect with me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/sydneyraynola 
Why now?
Life is too short to be stuck in one of these relationships.  By God's grace, time, talking and tears I have ran my course in my own healing journey and I am now focused on helping you through yours using my methods that won't result in y-e-a-r-s off your precious life.
Will you join me?

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